i did more than nothing today...and i'm still not ready for sleep!
the pies look so pretty, and smell so good, and i can't wait to share them tomorrow! keith and mercedes and zahara and zebulun; ellen and garth; and tim and heidi and aaron, alisha and kyle are all coming over for lunch tomorrow! :) happy, happy me!!!
yesterday i opened some files on my computer that i had not opened in over a year...my papa's genealogical files. family tree stuff. stories about my ancestors. stories about my mom and dad, written by my daddy. aunt joyce wanted to have copies of some of that stuff, so i opened it up and looked at it for maybe only the third time since papa died. we printed out just papa's side of the family, with names, dates, and stories, and it was nearly 500 pages long! so much information. so much family. it's a bit overwhelming when i think about it all. i come from such a long, amazing line of people, and still, at 41 years old, i'm already an orphan. aunt joyce told me today that to her, i'm like one of her kids. i'm glad about that. but somehow, tonight, it has intensified the "lonely" and "alone" of my life. this doesn't bother me often, but tonight, it kindof does.
i'm glad that tomorrow i will be with family. surrounded by lots of people. i hope that it doesn't mean i'll feel even more alone after they all leave, but it probably will.
the level of joy is proportionately as high as the level of pain is deep...