vondie

my aunt, vondie, died this morning. she survived breast cancer. she survived brain cancer. she died of lung cancer. she lived for about a month after she found out, and it had already spread everywhere. she was not old. only 62 or 63 or so. she was my mom's little sister.

there were 10 children in my mom's family. five of them are dead. three of them died of various types of cancer. i hate that word. i hate that disease. i hate that God allows it to take people away from me.

i am driving to south carolina tomorrow to see my cousins. a handful of us who were joined by mothers who were sisters are now joined as cousins without moms. so, we will be together...the cousins. that is a good thing.

because we are not supposed to do life alone. we are supposed to do life together. especially the hard parts. it's all about community. i have lots of thoughts on that lately, and hopefully i can share them sometime soon.

stay tuned...

crickets, cicadas and dogs

it's almost 1:00 a.m. and

i am out on my screened porch

sitting in the big, oak, double rocker

listening to tonight's sounds.

it's august in virginia.

if you know anything about august

in virginia, you know about the humidity.

you know it's so thick you can hardly breathe.

you know it's so hot you don't dare step foot outdoors

unless you absolutely must.

when it's august in virginia

it's often 90 degrees at midnight.

well, not this august.

they're talking record lows this august.

i've stepped foot outdoors,

and it wasn't because i absolutely must.

i'm wearing jeans

and a long-sleeved shirt.

anything less and i'd be chilly,

wanting a blanket to curl up in!

at 1:00 a.m., it is 63 degrees outside.

this august, things are different in virginia.

all kinds of different in my life

and somehow, still the same.

i love nights like these.

halfway through wednesday, first week in august

the last few weeks have been interesting, that's for sure! after meeting the ride:well team in roanoke, and learning about blood:water mission, i've had a renewed sense of passion for uganda and my friends over there and the ministries that they are involved in... clean water is something we take for granted here and it's so much more vital for good health that i think we realize...

i've also had a renewed sense of God in my life these past few weeks. i knew that spiritual things in my heart were desert dry...i guess i just didn't realize how long they had been that way. looking back, it probably started about a year-and-a-half ago, when my daddy died.

i've been thinking a lot about "purpose" in my life, and how what i do on a daily basis reflects this. the biggest part is probably figuring out what that purpose is, and it seems like it should be something big, and worthy, and noble, but i can't figure out a big, and worthy, and noble purpose for my life. i wrestled with this for a few days, and i finally realized/remembered that God doesn't usually show us the future of our lives, and somehow knowing the "big" purpose is kindof the same as knowing the "future" and i think few of us are fortunate enough to ever know what that is.

so my purpose, for now, is to be who God made me...the best me i can be, for Him...and to love the people in my life and show them that Jesus loves them and to remain in fellowship with Him (yes, even during the desert times). i feel fortunate that i have a sense that it's "raining" in my spiritual "desert" life, and i feel a renewed closeness with Jesus, not just as my savior, but also as my friend. i know he loves me...but you can love someone and not particularly LIKE them from time to time. lately, i feel like He actually likes me.

regarding purpose, i believe i'm right where i'm supposed to be, and when something is supposed to change...when different action is required...God will let me know. i don't have to have "big" purposes for my everyday.